Hello HoneySkulls and SugarBones,
As I said in the other version of this journal (Silence before the storm)
I would see my father today again. And I have.
Where do I start to explain? Guess with the message I got from my aunt.
Friday 22 January at 10.28 Hours in the morning I got a Whats app message of my aunt.
She asks me how I am and right after it she tells me that my father has been in the hospital for two weeks.
I was shocked, I hadn't had contact with my aunt since nine seven years.
So, out of shock I just.. (Stupidly.) Answered her question and said I was fine.
Then I asked why he was in the hospital and which one.
She answered with which one and stuff and not short after that she called me.
So, she and my Uncle. (My fathers Half Brother) came Saturday.
We had fun and then the subject came onto my father and his condition.
He has arteriosclerosis. That was old news, but now he can't really walk anymore.
He also has something else which the doctors can't find what.
The same Saturday my Uncle and Aunt are visiting us he had gone home.
We decided to come by them Thursday. (Today) Cause then we all would be free and yadiya.
We first went to my Aunts home (Which is around the corner of my fathers house.)
We talked and brought up memories and such and then my mother, brother and me went to my father.
Instead that my Aunt had told him that we would come.. She kept it as a surprise.
So she calls him and just says "JJaaa Lexie, Open door! There is visitors for you!" But she didn't say who.
My fathers new flame, a sweet Chinese woman opens the door. We introduced ourselves and she let us in.
She still needs to learn Dutch but she understood we came for him.
So. We walked those two stairs upstairs (How they got him upstairs NO idea...) and greeted him first.
He stood by his bedroom door far away in the hallway and he looked surprised up. He recognized my mother right away, I walked behind my mom and showed my face too, that's where he wanted to walk towards us. Wasn't really walking cause his one leg won't cooperate. He looked terrible. Old and outlived. It's almost not to describe but it got to me pretty bad. Instead of bursting into tears I kept myself strong and walked with my mom to him, so he wouldn't force himself too much to walk so he wouldn't fall. Then he saw my brother.
He and my Brother had declared each other dead in the past. Now He saw him and didn't recognized him.
My brother went to greet him and he Introduced himself to my brother, as right away a second later he realizes he was introducing himself to his OWN SON he leaned onto my brother and cried.
We sat at the table and we had a short little chitchat. Of what we were doing now and what kind of jobs we have and that such little chit chat talk. But he had to go back to the hospital so we couldn't sit there all too long.
I just learned today that my father and I have the same fear of needles.
The Chinese woman helps him with so much and takes such good care of him
I am exactly very glad that he is not entirely alone.
Something that really got to me was.. When he told what we did for jobs and stuff he said:
"I am so proud of you, of you both!"
You guys have no idea, how long.. I have been waiting.. to hear those words from him!!
My entire childhood I always tried to make him proud.. Tried from everything.
And now years and years later. I hear those words from his lips..
It seriously got to me! It means so damn much to me to hear that!
We gave him two photo's of how we looked now.
One of mt brother and one of me.
Cause the only photo's he had are the photo's of my brother as a baby and me as a baby.
He is a changed man, or for so far I seen now.
He was very emotional himself, cried a lot wanted to hug and pet us a lot.
He even admitted that he had missed us.
But as I said before. He had to go back to the hospital.
Before we helped him down the two stairs he gave me and my brother a key of the house
So we can come by whenever we want and he really hopes and kept asking us to come again.
But my father wouldn't be my father if he doesn't do something STUPID and STUBBORN.
With one leg he can't really move nor feel. He stepped in the car, and Drives himself
To the hospital with the Chinese woman next to him and my aunt in the back seat.
We told him before that he should call a taxi, but no it's fine yadiya Stubborn talk.
You know how it is, I guess.
So when he drove away, I couldn't hold it back anymore. I cried silently and waved goodbye.
So my uncle came home a bit after my father had driven away,
I didn't cry anymore, so we sat there at my Uncle and aunts home again.
And we did tell my uncle that HE had driven away in the car.
We had a short chat with my Uncle, he offered my brother a beer which my brother took of course and why not?
And after that we went home, and here we are
While writing this I am a waterfall of tears, so sorry if there are any typos or what not.
But because he didn't recognize my brother right away.
My mom and I THINK.. not sure yet.. We think he might has a kind of
Alzheimer that you can get from drinking too much (Way too much) Years long.
If he has it, it wouldn't surprise me.
This may sound rude but..
I never.. EVER have seen my father this sober. Ever.
And man.. It's a difference! Huge.. A complete other man!
Also the years have been cruel to him.
He now has almost white hair. He looks very old.
Just. Hard to describe.. But Me, My mom and brother were shocked to see him like this.
Anyway, all went well..
And I think I will go again to see what it will bring.
Not that I'll put a bed there again but I am going to try and make the contact between us work.
Might he ever when he gets better get his old behavior back.
Then I'm gone again, but sooner then I have in the past.
But for now I stay positive, it's a new start and the past is in the past.
Listening to: -
Drinking: Milk as always.